Who You Gonna Call?

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 "I don’t co-parent with the government” has become a new catchphrase for conservative parents. For the uninitiated, it’s usually spoken by moms who don’t want their children exposed to ideas about gender, evolution, or other pesky topics that might contradict (or just challenge) their beliefs. It is the polar opposite of the “it takes a village” approach to raising children. 

But it’s admittedly confusing. Many of us are okay with government co-parenting when it means protecting our neighbors’ kids from abuse and neglect, making sure infant car seats don’t fall apart on impact, and ensuring that the foods we buy aren’t contaminated. But we don’t all want the government, school board, or even librarians deciding what books to put on library shelves, or opening up classroom discussions about uncomfortable topics. Or wait – maybe we do want some help establishing and enforcing restrictions on what kids are taught… but isn’t that a form of co-parenting? 

Yes, it’s confusing.

Now, in our post-Roe, Project 2025 era, everything will be easier. Here’s a simple guide to whom to consult at important points in your child’s life.

Before Birth. In the Roe era, we recognized that pregnancy is not a single condition, and that the government’s interest in protecting a child’s life changed over those 40 weeks. No more. Now, if you need help making a decision about your pregnancy, there is no need to consult your doctor or therapist or pastor – the Supreme Court has simplified this by making all of pregnancy just one thing. Whether you are contemplating the undifferentiated cluster of cells after conception or a fetus with anomalies incompatible with life, there is no need for nuance.
Whom to call? Your governor’s office, to find out if your state is co-parenting with you on this.

Early Childhood. Need help with caring for that child you knew you couldn’t afford, or who has disabilities you knew you couldn’t handle? Yes, we know that in an earlier time you would have had heartbreaking conversations with your doctors, family members, friends, religious advisors, and social workers. Perhaps a government safety-net program could have helped you during those first years? Again, we’ve simplified things for you.
Whom to call? Nobody; you’re on your own

School Age. Confused about what books your child may or may not be encouraged to read, or what radical ideas may be lurking in textbooks? Can’t blame you – there’s everything from history to science in those books, and your children may ask you questions about what it all means. You certainly don’t want that. Some places have librarians and other experts who spend their lives thinking about these things, but how annoying is it to have to listen to them?
Whom to call? That lady who was screaming at the last school board meeting – she seemed to know exactly what books had dangerous ideas

If Your Child Is Gay. Or Trans. Or Doesn’t Know. Is your middle schooler struggling with gender identity, and you’re worried because you don’t know what support to provide? Yes, there are specialists who can help you navigate these waters, talk about the pros and cons of puberty blockers, and counsel you and your child about possible paths to take. There are pediatricians, endocrinologists, psychiatrists, and psychologists. But why do all that when one phone call will do?
Whom to call? Your state legislators. They will be the ones to explain to you why you can't manage your child’s mental and physical health, and why you need a government co-parent

If you need an easy way to remember all this, here’s one: Co-parenting with the government is acceptable (encouraged, even) when their rules align with what you think, and when it allows you to force that thinking on other families. Co-parenting with the government is evil when you don’t agree with it, or when someone else tries to tell you how to parent your child.

Now, doesn’t that make it all easier?